Hello, and Happiness

IMG_9231I feel like several months ago I had the epiphany that it would be a good thing to write a post just to say hello. So, hello! I hope everyone is enjoying fall and getting excited about the holidays.

Beyond that, though, I have had some thoughts kicking around in my head for the last few weeks that I wanted to share. Mostly about how very, very happy I am. As I type this, my eyes are burning, and I expect Micah to wake up any minute now because he has been asleep for thirty minutes, and that is what constitutes a nap around here there. Gone the days of two-hour naps, or even one-hour naps! But hopefully not gone forever. Every single stage we go through as parents is temporary, and that is simultaneously so encouraging and so heartbreaking.

I can’t help but laugh at this mommy conundrum. All week long I think, Oh, I wish I had just a little bit of time to read or knit or paint.” And then the weekend rolls around, and I think, “Yay! It’s the weekend! I can read! I can knit! I can zzzzzzz…..” Yesterday I took a nap for two hours and seventeen minutes while Micah hung out with his daddy, and it was awesome. I didn’t get to four or five of the things I was hoping to do, but that’s okay. Last night was a special night because I did the dishes and washed the bottles while Eric put Micah to bed (Eric always does the dishes and the bottles, and I put Micah down most of the time), and then we watched a comedy special on Netflix and had a drink. It was so, so sweet. We haven’t done that since long before Micah was born, and so we totally count it as a date night.

Part of the reason we haven’t done this in a long time is that Micah goes to bed at 7:30, and I go to bed at…8:30. After going full steam since about 6am with only a few thirty-minute breaks in which to do things like eat lunch and cook dinner, my head hits the pillow so gratefully every night. I am so tired. But I am so happy.

I was talking to someone a few days ago about these crazy days, whether they’re part of some growth transition or something more long-lasting, and after I’d walked her through all the ins and outs of a typical day for me, I think I had pretty well exhausted her. But in spite of all this fatigue, I told her, I am so happy on the deepest level. There is nothing else I would rather be doing, no greater gift than to watch this beautiful child grow day by day, even if it sometimes includes screaming (his! not mine!) and sleeplessness. Being pregnant with Micah and giving birth to him and meeting him, I told her, have been the most magical experiences of my life, and I can’t wait to do it all again. (But I will wait!) And then she said the most wonderful thing–that it’s a gift to be able to see that the magic and the madness co-exist. How beautiful. A gift indeed.

So as we gear up for Micah’s first Thanksgiving and Christmas and plane trip (whee!) and hope that maybe this napping thing will resolve itself sometime, our hearts are so full of joy. A special sleepy kind of joy, one that we wouldn’t trade for anything.

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