To Love So

FlowersHello, wonderful friends and family! Thank you all so much for your sweet comments and excitement about our sweet baby’s arrival! (And thank you to my parents, who sent the most adorable flower arrangement ever!)

I’m so happy to be putting together a place where I can share updates on our sweet baby with you. It’s a private blog called To Love So. What does the name mean? It comes from the same Nabokov quote that gave me my original blog name, Krug the Thinker:

“And what agony, thought Krug the thinker, to love so madly a little creature, formed in some mysterious fashion (even more mysterious to us than it had been to the very first thinkers in their pale olive groves) by the fusion of two mysteries, or rather two sets of a trillion mysteries each; formed by a fusion which is, at the same time, a matter of choice and a matter of chance and a matter of pure enchantment; thus formed and then permitted to accumulate trillions of its own mysteries; the whole suffused with consciousness, which is the only real thing in the world and the greatest mystery of all.”
-Vladimir Nabokov, Bend Sinister

Bend Sinister is a brilliant and complex text, but at its heart it is a novel about love, about a father trying to protect his child. The agony that he speaks of is not a negative one, but one that all parents know: a love this all-consuming makes you vulnerable in the most overwhelming and beautiful way. Has this new mom already sobbed while thinking of all the things she might not be able to protect her precious baby from in his life? Oh yes, she certainly has. What Nabokov is getting at here is that love is the craziest and most wonderful adventure we can have on this earth. In joy, in sorrow, in worry, in delight: it is the greatest experience we can possibly have.

I have always been incredibly moved by this passage, but now I understand it in a whole new way. There’s a mystery and a magic in this tiny new person, one that combines parts of both Eric and I, but one that holds its own as yet unseen mystery and magic too. We don’t know what kinds of toys Micah will like or whether he will prefer peas to carrots, what he will want to be when he grows up, how he’ll choose to cut his hair or what kind of style he’ll adopt. Watching all of this take place will be one of the greatest privileges of our lives.

I wrestled a little bit with what to do blog-wise after Micah was born. Although there are a million different ways to share and not share, everyone must make the decision that feels right to them. I respect everyone’s personal choices (and heaven knows I LOVE reading about others’ families!), but I decided, with Eric, that I feel most comfortable keeping this blog private, where I know it will be seen only by friends and family, and will not be publicly searchable. I am thinking not just of Micah the baby, but Micah the toddler and Micah the teenager and Micah the adult. I am trying my best to be respectful of the decisions he is not yet old enough to make. So this feels right to me. And I am so happy to be able to share him with you wonderful people. Thank you for joining us on this new adventure!

Logistics: I’ll be slowly but surely sending invitations to you through WordPress to the email addresses you use to comment here. If you haven’t commented here, but if you know me (including blog and Instagram friends–I love you guys!), please just send me an email at sheisincognita at gmail dot com, and I’ll add you. Hopefully all the kinks will be ironed out in the next few days. Thanks for your patience! What’s next for To Love So? Micah’s birth story and some thoughts on new parenthood (spoiler alert: it’s AWESOME). What’s next for Krug the Thinker? The finished quilt post and a nursery tour (as soon as we get the last few things hung on the walls!) Thank you, thank you, thank you, as always, for being such kind and wonderful people. I so appreciate every single one of you. Sending much love from blissful babyland!

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