Notes from the Trenches
22 Jan 2014
I was wondering what to do tonight since I feel a tiny bit better (better than Netflix and the couch, not better enough to…attempt any real adventures), and Eric suggested that I write a blog post. It’s getting close to two weeks since our baby announcement (and thank you so much for all your sweet sweet comments!), and I am still sick (womp womp), BUT I am undeniably getting better. And that is worth celebrating! I am (no joke) playing “Eye of the Tiger” as I type this.
The picture above is from 13 weeks on the dot, and even though I think most of my bump is actually the aggressive waistband of my pants, I’ll take it! It has been so exciting to see even the tiniest of suggestions that there is a living and kicking masterpiece of preciousness in there.
I’m now about 13.5 weeks, and I will spare you all the boring details of my minor improvements, but I will say that now I have HOPE that I’ll be able to function normally (well, the new normally!) within the next month or so (or weeks? or week? I would accept that too).
I was lying in bed last night and thinking about having our little one here with us, and I flashed back to the happiest memory. I was about 10, and we were visiting my awesome aunt Ellen, who had just had her first baby. Wesley must have been six or seven months old by then, and I loved holding her. One evening we fed her, bathed her, changed her, and off she went to sleep while it was still light out. I remember helping fold diapers and tiny onesies on the couch while someone put dinner in the oven–spinach quiche. The grown-ups and the big kids gathered around the table, and I think some soft classical music was playing, and I think the adults had some wine. I remember the joy of soaking up the quiet, which was suffused with an overwhelming joy: we talked about the funny faces and gurgles my cousin had made and which parent she looked more like, and we all knew that soon we’d be able to hold her and kiss her and watch her tiny smiles again. It was a profound quiet, a profound joy.
I have babysat and nannied and babysat some more throughout my life (I once had what I referred to as a babysitting empire), and I know the silent euphoria of naptime: a chance to sit quietly or finish the dishes or check email or read a book. But this was something else entirely. It’s something I am so looking forward to: the knowledge that your heart, your whole heart, is breathing peacefully in the next room, and that the next day you get to do it all over again, with tiny changes in gummy grins and laughs and games. I can’t wait. To hold my heart, my whole heart, in my arms.

Jan 22, 2014 @ 05:23:06
glad you are feeling a wee bit better. onward and upward. I love your excitement and anticipation of your newest family member 🙂 I hope each day is better and better and food starts to taste amazing!!
Jan 22, 2014 @ 05:42:17
I am so glad you’re feeling the tides change and that you’re feeling a little better! You are so right about those magic newborn days. They are hard, but they are a miraculous. Love you!
Jan 22, 2014 @ 06:34:19
Been thinking a lot about you! Hope you continue to feel better!
Jan 22, 2014 @ 06:36:42
And what a heat it will be! You don’t even know!
Jan 22, 2014 @ 13:35:22
I cannot wait to get my hands on this baby. After all, I shared Wesley! I know I can’t have quite as much face time as the 2 grandmothers, but I should right after them (I hope :)).
Jan 22, 2014 @ 13:53:45
WooHoo! You are back. 🙂 So true, what you said– “living and kicking masterpiece of preciousness”. A very sweet and wondrous time, to be sure.
Jan 22, 2014 @ 14:18:50
We continue to pray for that “living and kicking masterpiece of preciousness”, and for Mommy, every day.
Jan 22, 2014 @ 16:55:44
I’m so glad you are feeling better. Hopefully the worst is over.
Jan 25, 2014 @ 07:44:13
If only you lived in New York, you wouldn’t even THINK of doing anything other than watching Netflix, because its too dang cold outside! May I recommend ‘Peep Show’ (on Netflix) and ‘Comedians Riding in Cars Drinking Coffee’ (from the eponymous website) unless you have already discovered these particular joys. Also, ‘Boardwalk Empire’ is ok, but I don’t think it’s free. This is all that I learned over Christmas Break. Oh, and search ‘techno viking’ on youtube. Miss you Sister!
Jan 27, 2014 @ 10:03:24
You’re back, well, almost back! 🙂 I’ve been checking faithfully, wondering if you’d be posting pictures of cute maternity wear or snazzy homemade things for babies, but somehow I missed this! I’m glad you’re slowly but steadily feeling better…And, as far as trenches go, sunny California isn’t that bad, right? Weather reports say that we might even get some *rain* this week! Do you even remember what rain is? P.S. Do you watch/like Sherlock? If so, the new season is on pbs.org. And the old stuff is on Netflix; good stuff! x
Jan 27, 2014 @ 14:38:22
I hope you feel better soon.. the icky feeling usually wears off with the start of the second trimester.