Notes from the Trenches

I was wondering what to do tonight since I feel a tiny bit better (better than Netflix and the couch, not better enough to…attempt any real adventures), and Eric suggested that I write a blog post. It’s getting close to two weeks since our baby announcement (and thank you so much for all your sweet sweet comments!), and I am still sick (womp womp), BUT I am undeniably getting better. And that is worth celebrating! I am (no joke) playing “Eye of the Tiger” as I type this.

The picture above is from 13 weeks on the dot, and even though I think most of my bump is actually the aggressive waistband of my pants, I’ll take it! It has been so exciting to see even the tiniest of suggestions that there is a living and kicking masterpiece of preciousness in there.

I’m now about 13.5 weeks, and I will spare you all the boring details of my minor improvements, but I will say that now I have HOPE that I’ll be able to function normally (well, the new normally!) within the next month or so (or weeks? or week? I would accept that too).

I was lying in bed last night and thinking about having our little one here with us, and I flashed back to the happiest memory. I was about 10, and we were visiting my awesome aunt Ellen, who had just had her first baby. Wesley must have been six or seven months old by then, and I loved holding her. One evening we fed her, bathed her, changed her, and off she went to sleep while it was still light out. I remember helping fold diapers and tiny onesies on the couch while someone put dinner in the oven–spinach quiche. The grown-ups and the big kids gathered around the table, and I think some soft classical music was playing, and I think the adults had some wine. I remember the joy of soaking up the quiet, which was suffused with an overwhelming joy: we talked about the funny faces and gurgles my cousin had made and which parent she looked more like, and we all knew that soon we’d be able to hold her and kiss her and watch her tiny smiles again. It was a profound quiet, a profound joy.

I have babysat and nannied and babysat some more throughout my life (I once had what I referred to as a babysitting empire), and I know the silent euphoria of naptime: a chance to sit quietly or finish the dishes or check email or read a book. But this was something else entirely. It’s something I am so looking forward to: the knowledge that your heart, your whole heart, is breathing peacefully in the next room, and that the next day you get to do it all over again, with tiny changes in gummy grins and laughs and games. I can’t wait. To hold my heart, my whole heart, in my arms.

Baby Details!

Thank you all so much for your sweet comments yesterday! It’s wonderful to be able to share the news and have you guys celebrating with us! I wanted to put together a little post with a few more details because, you know, this baby stuff is so much fun! Also, the announcement pictures were totally Eric’s idea, and he shot them all. He’s the best!

How we found out: We actually found out in Santa Fe in November. I knew the day was coming to take a test, and I could not think about anything else. I was trying not to go too crazy looking for signs and symptoms, but I was hopeful. Santa Fe has a ton of gorgeous old churches, chapels, and missions, and the oldest shrine to Our Lady of Guadalupe in the United States. That week I went to every single one of those churches and lit candles and prayed for our baby. It was a really special time of hoping and waiting. When the day finally rolled around, the test was positive! There was a lot of laughing and jumping and hugging, a lot of gratitude and joy and wide-eyed disbelief. Eric had to go to his conference, and I marched myself right over to a cafe, where I ate a gigantic scone and wrote in my journal all morning.

How we told our parents: We took the test on a Friday, so I knew we’d need to wait for Eric to finish his conference for the day and for my dad to get home from work, since we wanted to tell our parents together. I called my mom in the morning and tried to suss out my parents’ evening plans, but she didn’t have any details. Getting hold of them was sort of a ridiculous charade. We played a lot of phone tag between a brew pub in Memphis and a place called Cowgirl BBQ in Santa Fe. When we finally got to talk to them over FaceTime, they were totally surprised! Eric’s parents had been out that night, and they knew something was up when we requested to Skype them at 11pm or so. Grandparents’ intuition! (Incidentally, probably nobody in the world is happier than the grandmothers that we finally announced the pregnancy because now they can tell people! Hurray!)

How far along: I am exactly 12 weeks today, and the baby is due July 25. We had our first prenatal appointment at 8 weeks, and we were able to see the baby very clearly and see and hear the heartbeat! I sobbed, naturally. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Showing?: Nope, not yet! But there will be bump pictures when there is a bump to show.

How I’m feeling: Oof, it has been a long and hard first trimester. I have been terribly sick since about week 5. I think I might be starting to feel a bit better now…but I don’t want to jinx it! However, I am excited about moving moving beyond a steady diet of bagels, bread, crackers, and Parks and Recreation (however, thank God for Netflix!). As I am sure some of you guessed, this was a big reason for my blog break in December/January. I am really grateful to be feeling good enough to type a post! Going forward, I hope to be able to blog more consistently, but probably not five days a week. Maybe three! Thank you all so much for your understanding! And thanks for celebrating with us!

Oh, Baby!

Eric and I are thrilled to announce that we expecting a little one this July!