My One Little Word for 2015: Savor

IMG_0060Before I say anything else, let me give a huge thank you to Hillary, who engraved this key with my word and some sweet little design elements. She is the best! This is going to make the loveliest necklace (worn under my shirt, of course, to keep it from baby hands)!

So! This is my fourth year choosing a word (the others are here: 2012 grateful, 2013 open, 2014 nurture). How do I come up with them? Well, it’s sort of more of a feeling than a decision. Somewhere around November or so, I start to ask myself what I really want for the year to come, how I would be most happy to see myself living. There’s a distinction for me between action-based words (rah, rah, accomplish things!) and experience-based words (take a deep breath). I wrestled with it a little bit this year because I just don’t know what this year holds (besides a lot of baby smiles and kisses). Micah is changing so fast that I don’t know what to expect a few weeks from now, to say nothing of a few months from now. For instance, for a long time he has only taken seriously short naps. But maybe soon he will take longer ones? (Please?) Right now he does a little bit of independent play, but he will do more as he grows. On the other hand, when he’s mobile, things will change again! There are some things I’d really like to accomplish personally and professionally this year, but I just don’t know how much time I can realistically commit to them. So…action? Or experience?

It turns out that my wrestling was more or less for naught. When I asked myself what I really wanted for this year, the answer came right away. I want to really live. I want to really enjoy everything that comes my way, whatever it might be. I want to be present in every moment, whether it’s a triumphant one or a tired one. I want to enjoy all the things I accomplish, whether it’s booking speaking gigs or getting my baby to laugh. And so I thought of this word savor, which encapsulates it all, bypassing the question of action vs. experience. The answer is not either/or, but yes/and. I think that’s a pretty exciting way to start a year.

I am not doing any kind of formal class with my word this year, but I did look it up to get a richer sense of its meanings. It’s about the senses, of course–tasting and smelling–which I love in a metaphorical sense as well as a literal one; I do love good food and am becoming increasingly appreciative of a scented candle. The secondary definition is “to enjoy with appreciation, to dwell on with delight.” Another dictionary offers a more explicitly temporal element: “to enjoy the taste or smell of something for as long as possible, to enjoy something for a long time.” I love that so much, especially since things change so fast with a little one. The thesaurus entries are even more awesome: “appreciate, bask in, delight in, enjoy, enjoy being alive, relish, revel in.” Yes. Yes to all of this.

So that’s what I’ll be doing this year–savoring my sacred cup of coffee in the morning, savoring every little baby giggle, savoring every moment I have to spend on work and art, savoring even the hard days, knowing that soon they’ll be slipping away from me into the realm of memory.

I am pretty excited about it. Happy new year to all!

2015 Thus Far: Sickness, Seattle, and a Restart Button

IMG_9876Well, this is going to be a hodgepodge of a post, but I kind of like those! The end of the year is one of my favorite times because I love to look back and look forward (Janus, you are the coolest of the ancient gods). I always plan lots of posts for December/January and love reading everyone else’s. I was particularly excited this year because we had a week between Christmas and New Years when Eric would be home from work. All kinds of reflecting and planning would be done! The budget would be balanced! Work and writing plans would be discussed! I would sit down and get to all the year-end posts I wanted to write! And then…Eric got sick right after Christmas. And then…Micah got sick. And then…I got sick. Ugh! I spent a few days feeling really disappointed that we weren’t going to have the week we had planned, and then…I was too sick to have any emotions other than sad sad sad. I haven’t been sick like that since I was in my first trimester, and boy howdy, was I unhappy to go back there. I really think the worst part of illness is emotional, but feeling terrible and taking care of a sick baby is also…terrible.

Lest this turn into a retrospective sobfest, we are all better! Hallelujah! And I have to share this one sweet moment. On one of my worst days, I was lonely and bored and so I got out of bed to go see the boys (it should go without saying that Eric is a saint and picked up the slack for me when I was at my worst). Eric and I were talking about accepting that we were in survival mode, and I suggested that we sit across the room from each other while he held Micah, and we just drove his wheeled toys back and forth between us. Micah loved it, and we played some silly songs on YouTube, and Eric said we would probably look back fondly on this time, even though we wouldn’t have chosen it. And then I teared up. Because that husband of mine, he is made of gold.

IMG_9924Anyway! The whole reason why we hoped to accomplish so much in that in-between week is because we’re in Seattle for the first week of January. Woohoo! I love to travel, and I love Seattle, so I was happy as a clam to invite myself and Micah on Eric’s work trip. And also nervous. But now we have Micah’s first flight behind us, and it went totally fine. He’s also been a real champ as I’ve tromped all over the city with him. I feel like a boss going up and down all these hills with the stroller, and hopefully all this walking is counteracting the millions of cookies I’ve been eating.

IMG_9934I want to write a lot more about Seattle, and I hope I will, but I think I will head to bed soon and want to get to the last point in the title’s little trinity. I love new beginnings and fresh goals, but sometimes you just have to hit the reset button. January 1 isn’t going to be until sometime next week for me, and that’s okay. Life happens. I got this really cool goal calendar that helps you track your progress in doing one thing every day for a year…and nary a day is checked off yet. But that’s okay. I’ll get there, whether my 2015 starts in January or July. For now I am enjoying the hills and the ocean view and my unofficial cappuccino tour of the city. All those fresh starts will be waiting for me when I get home.

Motherhood and the Ocean

IMG_6009-001Several months ago I was thinking of writing a blog post called “Life Without a To-Do List.” It’s not that I don’t have one. It’s just that I don’t exactly have time to look at it most days. But then last night I had this idea, which I think might express it better.

Being a mother is like standing on the beach, looking out at the ocean. And having the cutest, sweetest, and happiest baby in your arms. (Seriously, Micah laughed with glee for five minutes straight last night when his Daddy got home from work.) You watch the waves come in, and every one brings in a new crop of beautiful seashells. Those seashells are things you want to do, things you used to do, and they sparkle and glitter in the sunlight. You want to gather them up, but you have a baby in your arms. Every now and again you can grab one, but it requires a deft move, and you can only grab the smallest one–usually it’s cooking dinner or making a birthday card.

As each wave comes in, you make a mental list of the shells–the things you’ll add to your to-do list, which is mostly a fun list. You might grab one shell, but then a new wave comes right in, bringing new shells that make you forget about the ones that were already there. As the wave rolls back out to sea, the shells are washed in every direction on the sand, mixing them all up.

In order to gather them all, you’d have to put the baby down and pull up your skirt to use as a damp and sandy bag for them. But you’re busy looking into sweet blue eyes and rubbing the softest head of blonde hair you’ve ever felt. You’re listening for coos and cries and shrieks of baby glee. Each night you head back home from the beach to sleep, and you leave the shells behind, gleaming in the moonlight. “Oh yeah,” you think, “I was going to go the library. And I wanted to finish knitting that blanket.” But you leave these shells for tomorrow.

Each day, like each wave, brings new shells, and you admire them, even though you can’t reach for them, not just yet. You can’t complain because you are so very happy. You’re at the beach, watching the ocean, tasting the salt in the air, smiling at someone you love more than you can even comprehend. Those shells will still be there when he’s walking and talking and ready to collect them with you. Until then, collect some for me. Enjoy them, just as I’m enjoying this sweet baby time.

December 2014 Goals

IMG_9269December, you are a fun one. And you’re going to be a busy one! We have all kinds of exciting stuff planned, so I’m trying to keep the goals short and sweet.

My first goal is to finish something I started last month–A Week in the Life. I have photos and text for Monday through Wednesday up on Micah’s blog already, so I am almost halfway there. Hopefully I can get it finished during a good nap or two. I want to finish it before I forget that week in all its sweet and funny goodness.

I also want to finish my final painting from the Bloom True class I took last year. I have two out of three done, and my motivation to finish the third is partly that the family who are visiting this month can help us hang them on our really high living room wall. (This will involve a ladder and some couch-shifting.)

I didn’t bake for Thanksgiving, and that’s totally okay, but I do have a few things in mind for the holidays. And hopefully it will be cool enough outside that we’ll be happy to have the oven on too.

Of course, I am looking forward to Micah’s first Christmas! My family will be here with us for the first time, and I am really excited about it! (And I am really happy we’ll have a big enough table to seat them all–IKEA, here we come!)

Obviously, I want to take a million pictures–some candids, but also some family Christmas shots, which are a fun tradition.

I never really gave much thought to the the new year until I started choosing a word for the year and setting a few big goals for each one. I feel very focused on the day-to-day right now, which is a beautiful thing, but I am also looking forward to thinking about the bigger picture and asking myself what I want to focus on in 2015, personally and professionally. Hoping to have some time to talk it through with family over the holidays.

That’s all for December! Please share a link in the comments if you are posting monthly goals too! I’ll be back in January with a progress report. November goals have been updated here. December 2012 goals are here, and December 2013 goals are here.

Hello, and Happiness

IMG_9231I feel like several months ago I had the epiphany that it would be a good thing to write a post just to say hello. So, hello! I hope everyone is enjoying fall and getting excited about the holidays.

Beyond that, though, I have had some thoughts kicking around in my head for the last few weeks that I wanted to share. Mostly about how very, very happy I am. As I type this, my eyes are burning, and I expect Micah to wake up any minute now because he has been asleep for thirty minutes, and that is what constitutes a nap around here there. Gone the days of two-hour naps, or even one-hour naps! But hopefully not gone forever. Every single stage we go through as parents is temporary, and that is simultaneously so encouraging and so heartbreaking.

I can’t help but laugh at this mommy conundrum. All week long I think, Oh, I wish I had just a little bit of time to read or knit or paint.” And then the weekend rolls around, and I think, “Yay! It’s the weekend! I can read! I can knit! I can zzzzzzz…..” Yesterday I took a nap for two hours and seventeen minutes while Micah hung out with his daddy, and it was awesome. I didn’t get to four or five of the things I was hoping to do, but that’s okay. Last night was a special night because I did the dishes and washed the bottles while Eric put Micah to bed (Eric always does the dishes and the bottles, and I put Micah down most of the time), and then we watched a comedy special on Netflix and had a drink. It was so, so sweet. We haven’t done that since long before Micah was born, and so we totally count it as a date night.

Part of the reason we haven’t done this in a long time is that Micah goes to bed at 7:30, and I go to bed at…8:30. After going full steam since about 6am with only a few thirty-minute breaks in which to do things like eat lunch and cook dinner, my head hits the pillow so gratefully every night. I am so tired. But I am so happy.

I was talking to someone a few days ago about these crazy days, whether they’re part of some growth transition or something more long-lasting, and after I’d walked her through all the ins and outs of a typical day for me, I think I had pretty well exhausted her. But in spite of all this fatigue, I told her, I am so happy on the deepest level. There is nothing else I would rather be doing, no greater gift than to watch this beautiful child grow day by day, even if it sometimes includes screaming (his! not mine!) and sleeplessness. Being pregnant with Micah and giving birth to him and meeting him, I told her, have been the most magical experiences of my life, and I can’t wait to do it all again. (But I will wait!) And then she said the most wonderful thing–that it’s a gift to be able to see that the magic and the madness co-exist. How beautiful. A gift indeed.

So as we gear up for Micah’s first Thanksgiving and Christmas and plane trip (whee!) and hope that maybe this napping thing will resolve itself sometime, our hearts are so full of joy. A special sleepy kind of joy, one that we wouldn’t trade for anything.

Being Nervous and Being Brave, or a Trip to San Diego

We just got back from our first road trip with the baby. He was a champion! But we were so nervous. When we found out that our dearest friends had experienced an unexpected death in the family, we immediately knew that we wanted to be there for them and with them at the memorial, which was in San Diego. We made our travel plans, agonized over hotels (mostly because agonizing over hotels is kind of fun for me), asked for travel advice, and hoped for the best. And it was a great trip. We were so happy to be there for the beautiful memorial and reception. There were tears, but there was laughter too. And I am so glad for that. A lot of the laughter was caused by…our foibles. Which I shall detail here before I forget them. We planned to head out on Thursday morning, no later than 9, in order to get to the memorial at 1 in plenty of time, hopefully with time for a quick lunch. San Diego looks deceptively close on the map, but there is that little thing called traffic, so we wanted to be on the safe side. Google maps predicted it would take about 2.5 hours, but we knew it would be closer to 3. And so, I got up with the baby at 7 and called my mom, as I do every day. She asked what time we were leaving, and when I told her, she suggested that I wake Eric up. Ahahaha, moms always know best. It took us a full hour and a half to get all packed up and ready to go. Thanks, mom!

Our poor little darling was screaming even before we made it to the freeway, but I fed him, and he fell asleep. Victory! There were a few periods of crying, but in general, he napped and played with his toys (we bought him three new toys for the road, but he liked his hands better than any of them). Things were going swimmingly as we flew down I-15 past Temecula and the turn-off to go to Palomar. I know this road so well. Someone was getting fussy, so I started making him a bottle. I pre-filled the bottles with water and then just scooped the formula in. Only…I dropped the canister. And before I knew it, this had happened:

Ahahahaha! It wasn’t exactly funny in the moment (that stuff is pricey!), but Eric was so reassuring that it wasn’t a big deal, and at least it was only halfway full. And that, my friends, is how I rode through Southern California with my foot buried by a mountain of formula.

We stopped in Escondido for a bathroom break and to buy more formula, and we were laughing hysterically by the time we got out of the car. I used my flip flop to scoop the formula out as best I could, and proudly strode through Target with little pads of formula stuck to my feet. Eric was wearing his suit pants with a t-shirt to save time, and we thought we made quite the pair. There was quite the little explosion next to our car, and I was a little nervous, truth be told, to be so close to the border with this much white powder covering the floor of my car. But officer, can’t you smell the iron?! In any case, when we pulled out, we drove right over a huge pile of formula, and it crunched. And we died laughing.

We made it to San Diego and stopped for lunch at the nicest cafe, where they did not mind at all when I made five trips to the bathroom to change the baby and myself and then forgot the burp cloth (vital instrument!) We made it to the service right on time, and it was just beautiful. It meant so much to us to be there with our precious friends.

Our little one was a darling at both the service and the reception. He is not (knock on wood) a big screamer, so I don’t know what I was so afraid of. Generally, his favorite thing in the world is being held, and there were so many loving arms waiting to hold him.

We stayed as long as we thought we could, and then we headed back to the hotel to get him to bed. AND HE SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT! For the first time ever! Apparently, all we have to do is take him out of town and wear him out. Lesson learned! Eric and I actually woke up before he did, and we lay in bed staring at each other with our mouths agape. Did that really just happen?! We actually had to wake him up so he wouldn’t eschew all napping in the car on the way home. The hotel had a little breakfast, which was very handy, and there was a little walk-up coffee bar across the street. I showed up at 6:30 on the dot in a sundress and Eric’s fleece jacket, with nothing more than a hotel key and a $5 bill in my pocket. That coffee, it was so good. The baby and his daddy took a nap while mommy read a book (Read a book?! What a fantasy!), and then we checked out and met our sweet friends for breakfast.

We stopped by the San Diego Mission on the way home, and it was beautiful. Eric and I have loved visiting them together. It was hot, and the baby was pretty fussy, but it was okay. He sort of had a meltdown in the gift shop while we were buying a little cross for his room, but it was okay. He cried in the church while a small group of people was praying the rosary at the altar, but it was okay. Our stroller squeaked its way up to the little chapel, where, unbeknownst to us, people were praying during adoration, but it was okay. We didn’t see as much of the mission or take as much time as we might have if we had been by ourselves, but it was okay. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

We lit a candle in the church and prayed in thanksgiving for our sweet boy, the best thing that’s ever happened to us. It was so special to be able to do that because we lit candles in churches all over Greece and New Mexico and California while we were hoping to get pregnant and when we were expecting our little one. And I was able to sneak into the chapel for just a few minutes and pray a mother’s prayer: thanking God for my family and for the safety of our trip and for all the sleepless happiness that fills my days. The word that kept coming to my mind was joy. Joy indeed.

We had a safe trip home, stopping on the way at the most awesome bulk grocery store. We were exhausted, and it took us almost as long to unload as it did to pack up, but what a wonderful way to spend our time. And so, we were nervous, but we were brave. And we had such a good trip. It would have been okay even if it had been a disaster, as long as I still have this sweet one to cuddle up with and his daddy to laugh at all the mishaps with. I am so glad we went. Travel is such a great love of mine, and Eric and I always took a handful of little weekend trips together every year before our baby was born. It was so sweet to get over this hump, as it were, and realize that this is still a possibility. I think, really, it’s the unknown that’s the scariest thing. But now I know that we can do it. I started planning our next trip before we had even unpacked from this one. It’s a beautiful world, and I’m so happy I have one more precious person to explore it with.

November 2014 Goals

November GoalsI had to think for a bit about my goals for this month. “Um, do I have any goals?” I asked myself. Thankfully, the answer was yes. I spent some time thinking about it this weekend and felt so energized and excited when I came up with this little handful of things. I know I sound like a broken record, but I love the reminder that I can choose what I want to devote my free time to. Even if there isn’t very much of it!

I know that most of us are looking to decrease our screen time and unplug, and that can be such a good thing. But I think it ebbs and flows. For the last two weeks, I haven’t been on Instagram at all, and I really miss my friends there. I didn’t intend to take a hiatus, but I had the new Murakami novel out from the library, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to renew it, so I was reading pedal to the metal. (I finished it! I really liked it!) I can pretty easily scroll through pictures when I’m feeding Micah, but I can’t type responses, and IG doesn’t have a voice command (yet!), so I need to do this some other time. I love the support I’ve found on Instagram, and the true friends I have there. Looking forward to getting back!

On to goal two. I have so few pictures of myself with the baby. Eric takes one every now and again, but I need! many! more! I keep intending to use the timer to take pictures of us together throughout the day, and I keep forgetting. But last night as I was feeding him, I was scanning the room for good places to set the camera to capture some of our daily activities from different angles. I also want to take more pictures with my real camera because so many of our shots of the baby are blurry. Some of this is due to the fact that he’s always in motion, but some of it has to do with lighting, and my real camera is just better equipped to deal with it.

This second goal dovetails with the third. Every year Ali Edwards does a week in the life–seven days of daily photos and words. It’s a lot of work, but what a rich reward! I haven’t done a day in the life since April, and it’s something I’ve been wanting to do. I think a week would definitely cover all the little variations in our routine. Even though right now I feel like I will never forget any of these precious days, I know they will fade in my memory, and I will be so happy to have this record of what our lives were like, three months into parenthood. Ali did hers last week, but I am a big fan of doing things when I can, so that doesn’t give me pause at all. The week in the life will be shared on Micah’s baby blog, since it will surely contain millions of picture of him.

I used to bake all the time (just search my blog for sugar, and I bet you’ll get at least fifty hits!) But I was so sick for the first four months of my pregnancy, and then just really not interested in sweets for the rest of it. Last year I baked two pies for Thanksgiving, and the morning sickness started in earnest the very next day. Aside from those pies, one batch of lemon poppyseed muffins is the only sweet thing that’s come out of my oven. I’m still working on losing my baby weight, so I’m not quite ready to get back into baking full steam, but Thanksgiving is special. Thanksgiving requires pie. Maybe even two pies! Because surely I can’t be the only one who can never decide between pumpkin and apple.

I finally have my little studio space put together in our bedroom, and I am really looking forward to spending some time there. Right now Micah is really not napping for more than thirty minutes during the day (but hope springs eternal!), but I am usually off duty around 7:30 when we put him to bed. Most nights I have just been reading, but I am hoping to have the energy to knit and draw and work on my woefully neglected scrapbook. I feel such a strong urge to make something, and I’m so happy to have that. I think it’s one of the truest parts of myself, this need to create. Even if it’s just fifteen minutes of sewing or stitching, I’ll take it.

I’ve had a monthly goal to take lots of pictures ever since I started making monthly goals. But I think I’ve pretty much got that covered elsewhere here, so I’m just making it a goal to enjoy every little bit of things this month. I have been thinking so much about what an incredible gift this life is. I want to say yes to every part of it.

I will be back in December with an update. October goals have been updated here. And, wow, I’m getting old: November 2013 goals, November 2012 goals.

Update, December 2014: Oh, November, you were great, and I so enjoyed you. You were a mixed bag in terms of meeting my goals, but I’ll take what I can get in these busy mommy days. I totally did a Week in the Life! It was way easier than I thought it would be, and when I finished it, I kept right on taking lots of pictures, which was great. And I can’t believe how much Micah has changed even since then. That makes me all the more happy that I did it. I have Monday through Wednesday up on his baby blog, and one of my goals for December is to finish typing it up. I know I will be so glad to have it! I did better with the pictures too, taking them from more angles and including more with me in them, but…I think that should be a perpetual goal. I did okay on Instagram, but lots of days I just didn’t get to it. When Micah’s awake, I’m usually fully engaged with him, and he just doesn’t nap that much! A lot of nap time goes to eating lunch and cooking dinner (and occasionally typing up a blog post or reading a book), but hope springs eternal! Ahahaha, I did not bake a pie for Thanksgiving because we were sleep training Micah and I was exhausted, but I did *eat* some pie at Thanksgiving, and it was DELICIOUS. Thank you, Hillary! I also did NOT make evenings my craft time. Mostly I have just been reading. But I have two weeknight events this week, and that’s making me feel like those at-home nights hold lots of possibility, so…we’ll see! I honestly don’t think I will get back into the groove of things until Micah starts napping better, but I don’t mind waiting. He’s pretty cute:)

Enjoying the Simple Things

PersimmonsI’ve always found great pleasure in the smallest things–a pretty leaf, a perfectly prepared cup of coffee, fifteen extra minutes of sleep, a really good song (Led Zeppelin, please) on the radio, an unplanned dinner date, the scent of my favorite candle, an hour on the couch with a really good book. But now that free time is a harder thing to come by, a wonderful thing has happened. I love those things even more. Experiencing one of those them now feels like the most delicious reward for hard work, even though this is the most enjoyable work I’ve ever done. I am so fortunate to be able to stay at home with our little one, and I don’t think I have ever been happier. And, true to cliche, I can’t imagine being happy at all without being able to kiss his little cheeks 400 times a day.

I have been wanting to write for a week or so and have been thinking of all kinds of topics and titles, but for now I just want to write down a small smattering of the things that are making me happy. Part of the reason for this is that I’ve mostly been cooking from my own blog for the past few weeks (I know these recipes! And I know where they are!), and it’s made me so happy to find so many posts in my archives, most of which I’d entirely forgotten about. Posts from easy times as well as hard ones, ordinary ones and hey-I’m-halfway-across-the-world ones. This is such a special time, and I don’t want it to go unrecorded here. So here goes.

Natal Plum-Morning is my favorite time of day. Tiny wakes up, and I feed him or rock him or play with him, depending on what he’s in the mood for, and then we FaceTime my mom. Every morning. It is the best. After we get off the phone, he likes to talk to his mobile for a little while, during which time I make coffee and read for a few minutes until he’s ready for a change of pace. Most mornings we watch the sun come up, and he smiles and smiles and smiles. It’s the best.

-On lots of evenings we stroll over to the turtle pond on campus and then swing by to pick up Daddy from work. This is a serious contender for my second favorite part of the day. (Also in the running: the magical days when there’s a LONG nap, and I can not only cook dinner, but also light a candle and read a book. Those days are magic.)

-In general funniness, this afternoon I cleaned out my purse, and I found not one, not two, but four (4) little Ziplock bags of almonds in there. And I laughed. I shall never be without protein!

-This morning at church I got to use my Old Church Slavic to decode the text on an Orthodox icon, and it was awesome. First time I have needed that skill in the wild! (Eric reminds me that I have used it at museums before, but it felt extra special in this case).

-I read my way around the house all day. I have several books my bedside, a few in Tiny’s room, one on the kitchen table, and two or three on the coffee table. I just pick up a book wherever I am, and I love it.

Beauty-Some days we play at home, but I like the days when Tiny and I have an errand to run. I use the bottom of his stroller as a grocery cart, and he likes having new things to look at. (Other things he likes: the light coming in through his shutters, the stained glass windows at church, and his rapidly growing collection of rattles).

-Sometimes naps are timed such that Eric and I can eat dinner together, but if not, we still try to sit at the table and talk through our days. Occasionally I’ll realize that there’s something I’ve forgotten to tell him, but this is probably because I am the person who says, “Oh, by the way, there are clean diapers in the freezer. I mean the fridge. I mean the dryer.” Third time’s the charm!

-On weekends I do meal plans and go to the grocery store(s). I’ve got the one close to our house so fully memorized that I can be in and out in 15 minutes with a whole week’s worth of groceries. This feels like a genuine achievement.

-I am enjoying persimmons so much this year. I don’t remember them being a big part of our fall diet i years past, but this year Eric brought some home from the farmer’s market, and I fell in love. I kind of like the effort required to eat one (um, maybe not so much work, you just have to peel it with a knife), and I like the long curly peels that cover my plate when I finish one.

-Somebody just figured out peekaboo. Like today. There has been a lot of adorable baby laughter around here. And a lot of grown-up laughter too.

-In true new mom fashion, I just remembered that I have an entire series of posts like this one, called A Handful of Happy Things. They’re in the freezer. I mean the fridge. I mean the dryer.

October: Currently

First: thank you all so much for your sweet and thoughtful comments on my last post. Answering comments regularly is still one of the things I’m trying to cram into my days, so I really appreciate your patience! Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts with me! It’s so wonderful to have your support and encouragement. It means so much to me.

And now, on to October:

Reading about five different books: the new Murakami, my book club book, a book on how kitchens run (ganked from Eric’s library pile), this because it’s awesome and inspiring, and this mystery on my mom’s recommendation. Long live the library!

Watching Top Chef (the last season!) and occasionally a bit of Gilmore Girls, but planning to watch Happy Valley too.

Enjoying taking walks every evening to pick Eric from work.

Appreciating cooler days and breaking out the leggings.

Eating lots of almonds and cottage cheese. Two of my faves.

Scheming and dreaming about all kinds of trips because of the awesomeness of Airfare Watchdog. (No one paid me to say this–it’s just that they find crazy low ticket prices that make my wanderlust-afflicted heart go pitter-patter.)

Lighting a candle when I have some time to read during nap time.

Savoring every cup of coffee like the beautiful gift from heaven it is.

Cooking quinoa and lentils and carrot soup with chickpeas.

Celebrating being able to have a few meals out with Micah’s godparents.

Marveling with Eric over every little new thing Micah does.

Laughing and dancing and making funny faces and generally doing anything that might elicit a gummy baby smile. The best.

Loving my days with Micah, who is not only the cutest baby who ever lived, but also the sweetest.

Feeling so happy and at peace.

The Good Old Days of Blogging

I have seen a few seasoned bloggers talk about the good old days recently–bloggers who have been at it wayyyy longer than I have. (I’ve been here for three years, unless you count a very soft opening in late 2009. By very soft opening I mean starting a blog and then not telling anyone but your mom and your boyfriend about it. Yee-ha!) They were talking about the days before photos and giveaways and sponsorships and social media, the days when blogs were like open journals (and I suppose LiveJournal is probably one of the things they grew out of).

It made me think about my blog and why I write. Truthfully, I haven’t been here very much since Micah was born, not because I don’t have things to say, but because I don’t have projects finished or a chance to take photos of things during daylight hours, and thus I feel like I can’t post. Case in point: I have been wanting to share the nursery (and I will!), but it’s mostly in use during the daytime. Seeing those posts about the good old days reminded me that I can just write without having a project or a trip or even goals to share. I can just write about what my days are like now, or just write to say hi. It reminded me that posts like those are often my favorites on the blogs I read. That was such a good realization. Because I really miss you guys. I’m such a visual person that I still don’t want to put up a post without ANY pictures, but I can easily enough pick something pretty from the archives and set it in place.

It’s interesting too to think about the (often self-imposed) pressures we place on ourselves as bloggers. I am sure this is much harder for people who need to make an income from their blogs. My blog is not monetized (except for that 41 cents I earned once from Amazon’s affiliate program), and I intend to keep it that way. When I feel frustrated about not having time to do the posts that I want to, it’s good for me to remember why I started this blog in the first place: for a creative outlet, to keep in touch with far-flung family and friends, and to make real connections with like-minded people. Those are still very much my reasons for being here, and I have been so fulfilled in all three of them.

Things are slightly more complex for me because I am still sifting through what belongs here and what belongs on Micah’s blog. It honestly makes blogging a lot more complicated, but I think it’s the right thing for me (while fully respecting others’ decisions with regard to this issue). Maybe the truth is that I’m still sorting out the distinctions between me as a person and me as a mom. Micah needs me so much right now, and I would not trade that for the world. I know that I only get so many days of smelling his sweet little head while I rock him. I am sure it will be a little while before I get back to the level of personal projects (and writing) that I had before he was born, but that doesn’t make this time any less special. It probably makes it more special.

What I think I am trying to say is that I’m still figuring it out–how to make time for writing, what to share and not share, and how the prism of who I am has a new facet since I’ve become a mom. I would ask you all to bear with me, but it seems presumptuous to think that anyone’s life is actually disrupted by my not being here every day. Maybe what I should offer instead is a promise to bear with myself as I figure it all out. A promise not to be afraid to write a post without pictures (okay, maybe just one picture). A promise to respect a post that just says hi. Thank you all so much for being here. It’s no exaggeration to say that this wouldn’t be any fun without you!

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